Category Misc

The Sound of Hairballs

(with apologies to Paul Simon) Hello darkness, my old friend I’m up at 5am again Because a creature softly creeping Coughed one up while I was sleeping And that rhythmic hacking noise Brings no joys I hear the sound of hairballs Under the sheets I lie afraid Of the sticky mess he’s made Before my […]

Made the News

My work has been reviewed before, but either in community papers, or for shorter, one-act works. Today, my full-length play, Becoming Number Six, got reviewed in a New Orleans paper, and I’m quite proud. If I were blurbing, I’d highlight “Cerebral,” “Keeps the audience intellectually engaged,” and “Plenty of humor within the intrigue.” The reviewer […]

You’re the Tits

A friend of min recently thanked a group of us with the exclamation, “You’re the tits!” The premise being, I assume, that tits are wonderful so we were all wonderful as well. Oddly, the first thing that came to my mind (well, maybe not the very first thing), was Cole Porter. Her line has the exact […]

All in the timing

Anti-fascist. Has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it? A label most of us would be proud to bear. Now, how about this one? Premature anti-fascist. Feeling a little cognitive dissonance? Wondering what sort of oxymoron that is supposed to be? I recently came across this designation while reading Studs Terkel’s marvelous oral history, “The […]

Coffee-table Macbeth

Visually speaking, the 2015 Macbeth by director Justin Kurzel is stunning. I can recall dozens of images from the film that I’d love to have as photographs. There are easily enough of those images to fill a book, and one I’d happily display. However, as a drama, the film loses touch with Shakespeare’s story. It […]

In which the author is revealed to be a food snob

I had just stopped at the grocery store. When the checker saw my items, she exclaimed, “Oooh, puff pastry! What are you going to make? I said, “Galette des rois.” And she blinked. And said nothing. So I described the galette. “I used to use puff pastry to make Tater Tot casserole,” she said, “You […]

Maxims from the Paranoid School of Philosophy

Descartes – I think, therefore they are out to get me. Voltaire – If someone were not watching me, it would be necessary to invent him. Hegel – Only one man ever understood me, and he tried to kill me. Heraclitus – They’re just waiting for me to step in the same river twice. Rousseau – […]

Episode 5. The Shower Spiders Strike Back

My normal transition to wakefulness, which typically takes place over an extended period of time, was abrupt and heart-stopping this morning. I was showering in my usual drowsy state, and reached over to grab a bottle of shampoo. When I had the bottle about four inches from my face, the horrifying import of what was […]

Donny Trumppins

While digging through the vaults, I’ve discovered a manuscript fragment from a lost Disney work, a musical called “Donny Trumppins”. I’ve only discovered one song so far, but it’s possible there will be more. Super ego-fragile-istic extra-braggadocious  Donny: I’m super ego-fragile-istic extra-braggadocious Even though my hairpiece looks Particularly atrocious I always say it loud enough So […]

An open letter to the Arachnid community, in particular, to shower spiders

Dear spiders, It is well-known that there are those of your kinsmen who enjoy an early morning peregrination through the vast, cool expanses of porcelain and fiberglass that encompass the washroom. Among these so-called “shower spiders,” is one Stavros. You may have encountered him recently, spinning a tale of being wondrously transported far afield in […]